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Happy Thanksgiving 2008!

November 26, 2008 at 4:35 pm | In Holidays, family, self awareness | No Comments
Tags: family, thankful, thankfulness, thanksgiving

Happy Thanksgiving everyone! In keeping with tradition, I would like to share what I am most thankful for this year.

I am most thankful for my ability to BE thankful. I am thankful for all of those times of total contentment when I find myself wanting nothing. The times when I am simply watching my daughter and my husband interact and my heart swells so much it aches. And I know that there is nothing better than being right there in that moment, soaking it all up and filing it away in my memory. A perfect moment.

My life may not be perfect, but so many hours of each day are nearly. And I am thankful that I am just fine with nearly.

Ode to my Gut

October 14, 2008 at 5:57 am | In self awareness | 4 Comments
Tags: fat, gut, muffin top, stomach

Gut. Pooch. Mama Poochie. Muffin Top. Butt in the Front. Would that anything else so sweet might go by more wonderful and splendidly sweet sounding names? You? Are my constant companion these nearly five years now.

How I love thee. Let me count the ways:

Chocolate

Desert

Fried Chicken Sandwiches

Bread

Potatoes

Mexican Food (preferably from Racheros or Los Cucos)

Chinese Food (Double Dragon)

All eight of you love my gut so. You continue to love it, clinging to it like a kid and their security blankie. Never letting go. Always inviting more to join in and share your joy, thus expanding your reach. And reach you have. All the way past the top of my jeans.

I thought I had defeated you. Yet there you are. Determined to hang on, despite the twice weekly Body Flow classes at the local Gold’s Gym. How you must love me, despite my best efforts to be rid of you. I’ve even tried to convince myself that I loved you back and that you and I had a healthy relationship. We do not. You are becoming a major hindrance. You are in the way. Can’t you tell when you are no longer wanted? Why are you not taking the hints? Must I be more blunt? Fine.

It’s time to leave. Take some cellulite from my thighs with you in case you get lonely. Oh, and take some arm with you- they’re very friendly. They wave back at you when you wave.

Advice From Charli #362

September 30, 2008 at 4:16 am | In The Mundane, self awareness | 3 Comments
Tags: advice, hick-ups, personal grooming, shaving

If you get the hick-ups whilst shaving in the shower? Quit shaving. Just step away from the razor and wear pants that day. My *ehem* bikini area will never be the same.

The Time Old Navy Made Me Cry

September 5, 2008 at 3:35 pm | In The Mundane, adventures with Hali, family, self awareness | 2 Comments
Tags: childhood, Hali, motherhood

Somehow I signed up to have Old Navy e-mail me their store adds. I clicked on the ad this morning. It was for a sale on baby clothes. Baby clothes. For newborns all the way up through size 5T. My four year old daughter? Is a size 6 now.

I don’t even get to shop for her in the same part of the store anymore. She is firmly insisting on continually growing. My tall lanky little girl is not so little anymore. She’s always been in the highest percentile for height.

So here I am. I have a preschooler. I have a big girl. She rarely lets me refer to her as even “my baby” anymore. We are going through this whole new, take-it-to-the-next-level independent stage. She doesn’t want to hold my hand. She doesn’t want to ride in the grocery cart anymore- she wants to walk beside it. Cuddles are few and far between.

All these dang milestones. Now I am just all the more determined to enjoy this last year at home we have together. I knew she wouldn’t be my baby girl forever, and it is exciting to see her growing up, I just wish it didn’t manage to jab me in the heart every single time there is irrefutable proof that my baby girl isn’t a baby anymore.

Introverted No Longer

September 4, 2008 at 6:07 am | In self awareness | No Comments

I have always been quite introverted. Growing up, I wasn’t the popular girl surrounded by admirers. Then again, I was also smart enough not to be one of those admirers. I maybe had a couple of good friends, and another handful of more casual friends. Living in a very small town meant that I knew everyone at school and they all knew me. But honestly? There were more than a few years at school when I didn’t have any good friends. I would sit at lunch with someone I sort of knew and who was at least willing to tolerate me.

Putting myself out there has just never been something that I was good at. And the times that I did work up the nerve to do it? Weren’t always the best experiences. Even as an adult, I have been sincerely surprised by other adults’ behavior towards new comers.

When we recently moved back to a town that I had previously grown to love, I was excited. I had an easy time in that area making actual friends. I knew that a couple of them had left the area and that it was much changed, but I knew I would be happy with the area.

I looked at moving a town area as a chance to reinvent myself in a way. I decided that I would fight that introverted shy side of me and gather up my courage. I was going to put myself out there. Make it known that I was here. I spoke up in church. Chatted up anyone and everyone who came my way. And low and behold I had made myself some friends.

It didn’t actually kill me to call up a few women just to say hi, or even invite them over for a play date. And having adult conversation with someone not related to you? Awesome. It doesn’t hurt that Hali gets to play and socialize right there with me when I get together with other moms. In fact, it makes me feel better- I had been feeling pretty guilty about not having many friends with children her age to play with. As an only child, it’s pretty important for her to have kids to play with.

Previously, when I’d take one of those personality quizzes that you find all over the place, I would always answer that after getting together with a group of people, I feel tired. Now, I feel energized. It’s crazy. I’ve changed.

Influencing My Child

August 19, 2008 at 5:24 am | In adventures with Hali, family, preschool, self awareness | 1 Comment

As a parent I worry more than enough about how I am influencing my child. Guilt hits me as soon as something I said wrong leaves my big mouth. I use a word I shouldn’t have. I criticize when I should have praised. Or do I praise too much? Did I praise the right thing? Should I focus more on the effort than the actual outcome? I haven’t been eating as many vegetables as I should- surely Hali has picked up on that and so she’s not eating hers as well as she should.

I swear I can make everything about me! It’s always somehow my fault. Even in my head.

So on top of the normal day-to-day parental influencing that I have, I am now inflicting my educational influences on my daughter. For the next year I am in charge of her schooling. Great. Another area I can totally mess up. I have to confess to being less than enthusiastic about some aspects of education. Thankfully, most of these aspects are more a part of the public school system. Not schooling itself.

However, I do have a hard time balancing encouragement with outright pushiness. A couple of weeks ago, Hali was sitting next to me at the desk in the office. She had decided she wanted to work in a workbook. One of those trace-the-letter-then-draw-it-on-your-own deals.

She settled in next to me and started working away, making the same letter five or six times, turn the page, repeat. She had done about two pages. Realistically, that is pretty dang good for a four year old. She had just begun work on her third page. She decided that she was tired and wanted to quit. So I looked at the page. It was a letter that she struggles with drawing.

I kind of froze. I thought about pushing her on. I thought about just suggesting another letter to work on. I thought about just saying that was fine and to go play.

I was really worried over this little thing, because for some reason, on this day, the enormity of how my response would influence her hit me hard. So, I smiled, and told her all her letters looked really good (and they did). I gave her a sticker on the complete pages at her request. And I said ” Qs are tricky! Here, let me make you another dotted one for you to trace so you can practice making it”. This made her pretty happy and she traced it. She decided that was enough and I let it be.

I didn’t want to push her to the point where she just didn’t think it was fun any more. But I also didn’t want her to close her work book in frustration over a “tricky” letter and have it ruin her enthusiasm.

Thinking about it afterwards as she was playing, I couldn’t help but think about how badly this could have gone. I was sort of doing my own thing on the computer while she was working next to me. Only half paying attention. I’d look over when she wanted my attention and smile and tell her I was proud of her for working so hard. Had I been in a bad mood and out of patience or whatever, I really may have responded differently. And I worry about the impact that could have had on her.

That little educational moment may not seem like a big deal at a glance, or even to other people, but we are in the early stages here, and I really do fear I will mess this up for her. As her parent, I naturally have hopes for her. I want her to love learning. I want her to enjoy it. While I think it is only natural that she wants my or another teacher’s approval, I want her to work hard because she wants to.

My Odd Celebrity Crushes

August 1, 2008 at 4:39 pm | In self awareness | 6 Comments

For completely inexplicable reasons, I have developed a few very minor crushes on older celebrities. And before anyone goes and gets their panties in a twist, by older, I mean about 15 years older than me or more. In one case more than 25 years. That’s double my age!

My most recent one would be Anthony Bourdain. If you are a complete dork and watch the Travel Channel as I do, you may know him from his show, “No Reservations”. He is also an author and chef. He is actually more than twice my age. He iswas a smoker- which I hate. It shows on his teeth when he smiles. He comes across as a somewhat “hard living”, snarky, sarcastic, and even pessimistic kind of guy. He is extremely tall and gangly- his arms look like toothpicks. Not my type at all. I suppose there is just some kind of a sex appeal about him that I am drawn to. I really can not justify my crush on him, but there it is.

Next, we have the younger (though his hair does make him seem older than he is) Anderson Cooper. He is such a dork. But a smart, politically savvy, dry humored one. The guy is, again, not my type at all, but every time I see him, I just think he is too CUTE. And I just read his entry on wikipedia and apparently he used to work for the CIA. That only makes him even more hot in my eyes. Plus, the whole tragic life and family makes a girl want to cheer him up a little. Though he may be gay? There were some links that came up in my search for him on yahoo that I didn’t dare click on… He and he alone can get me to actually watch any type of political programming.

Well, him and Jon Stewart. But he is funny, The Daily Show isn’t an actual new show (though more often than not I find it to be much more accurate than one!) so I don’t know if his show counts at all. And Jon Stewart? Hottie. In my opinion, that is.

I think I may have discovered the common thread here. Very dry senses of humor. And over-usage of sarcasm. Could that possibly be it? Judging by who I married, maybe they ARE all my type. I may be in need of professional help here. I mean seriously? These guys are all in their 40’s and 50’s. I am 25. Don’t get me wrong- I have some crushes on men a little closer to my age, but these just aren’t men you think of when you talk about celebrity crushes. Sometimes I think I am an old Jewish woman trapped in a 25 year old’s body.

The Preschool Decision

July 25, 2008 at 6:02 am | In adventures with Hali, family, self awareness | 7 Comments
Tags: education, homeschool, preschool

My baby girl is preschol age this year. It’s hard to believe. Even harder to believe? Is how difficult it is to decide what to do about preschool.

Public? Nope- quickly found out we don’t qualify for that (you either have to be pretty dang broke or not speak English as your first language)

Private? Well, there’s the private preschool just down the road that Hali will have a friend or two in. It’s reasonably priced. It’s only twice a week for a few hours a day. Don’t know whether or not that’s good.

I love the idea of Montessori, but the closest one is about 20-25 minutes away. And tuition ain’t cheap.

Homeschool? YES! I get to keep my baby girl at home with me for one more year. Selfish of me, yes- but she’s only this age once, right? Honestly, I was really worried that Jeremy wasn’t going to like the idea. I was wrong, thank goodness. He actually brought it up himself one day and I was so happy I nearly cried.

Growing up we both knew a couple of families that homeschooled, and that’s not really a good thing. They kind of gave us reason to shy away from it. They were that bad homeschooling stereotype. So for us to consider it so quickly, was really quite something.

We are more than likely only homeschooling for preschool, though. Beyond that, I think it will be more beneficial for us and for Hali to attend the local public elementary school. Though, I must admit, if there was a charter school in our area, I’d be all over that.

So, being the over-prepared woman that I am, I checked out half a dozen books from the library on homeschooling. I ordered a few more from Amazon. And I read. The more I read, the more I realized how pleased I was with our decision. It felt like all that worry was for nothing. Of coursewe’re going to homeschool for preschool! Why would I even think of doing anything else?!

On I read. I made out a list of what goals I wanted to reach throughout this school year. I found out what Hali would need to know before entering kindergarten. I started listing what things I thought shewould want to learn about. I researched what the state of Texas requires for homeschooling (nothing for preschool- not much beyond that either). I learned to identify what kind of a learner Hali is- how she learns best. I poured over all the different methods.

Finally, one book had an extensive quiz that told you what might work best for you and your family. Unit Studies it was! Which was perfect, because that is the way I was already grouping things together anyways! I felt so relieved after all that fell into place. I’ve been jotting down ideas for the past few weeks- ideas for different units. It’s actually been a lot of fun.

I surprised myself with all my enthusiasm for it all, I have to admit. But the more I think about it and the more ideas I come up with to incorporate into different areas of study, the more excited I get! We are going to have a blast doing preschool ourselves! Plus, the money that I would be spending on tuition, can now be spent on fun field trips!

Luckily, there are a few homeschoolers in our area with younger kids, so we will be able to continue to meet up during the week as we did this spring. I friend of mine has even decided to homeschool (for preschool) her son who is Hali’s friend as well. Knowing that Hali is going to continue to get plenty of opportunities to play and socialize with other kids of course makes me feel better about our decision.

The Real Texas Mama

July 17, 2008 at 5:18 am | In redneckedness, self awareness | No Comments

Living in a small southern town has a lot of advantages. Sure, you may wanna lock your doors at night, but your elderly neighbor notices that you haven’t been around in a few days and kindly calls your cell while you are out of state on vacation just to make sure everything is ok and to let you know he’s been keeping an eye on the place. Towns here in Texas definitely do have a certain charm to them.

Especially if you just let go of your pride and accept the fact that you are, indeed, a redneck. It is a state of being that I have long denied in myself. But I am ready to come out and say it, finally after years of denial: I AM a redneck. There. I have said it.

As the years go by, the fact that I am a redneck seems to be manifesting itself more and more. And while I would like to blame it on my husband, its not all his fault.

True, he put me in a big ol’ Super Duty Turbo F250 Lariat with a 6 inch lift on it. But it was me who actually likedit. I surprised even myself with my love of that monster of a truck. I liked the power I felt from behind the wheel of a truck I could do almost anything in. You know, in case the need for me to go off-roading into a ditch in order to save some from the jaws of death. Or more likely, the occasional Texit (that’s a Texan Exit- meaning you just bail off of the freeway in your truck wherever you please, illegally) when my patience with traffic had reached its limit.

I enjoyed the surprised look that I got from men when I literally jumped out of my truck. I suppose a blond 25 year old mother wasn’t who they were expecting to be driving a truck like that, and I got a kick out of it. Driving that truck was an eye opening experience for me. I went from denying my redneck status to proud acceptance. No longer am I hiding who I really am- my true self.

I now sport my big highlighted blond hair, hiked up boobs, cheap heels from Payless, and too tight jeans that create a huge muffin top with PRIDE. Texas redneck pride. I can really let go now- no more stopping myself from using words like “ya’ll” and “fixin’ to”. That’s what we here in Texas say when we are getting ready to do something, for all you who don’t speak Texan. Who am I kidding? Heck, I even like saying “get her doooone!”!

Yeehaw, ya’ll!

Wonderfully Weird

March 12, 2007 at 2:18 pm | In The Mundane, self awareness | No Comments
Tags: burp, cross eyed, splits, webbed toes, weird

We all have these wonderfully weird things that we are good at. Something that we excel in. It sets us apart from the rest and makes us truly weird. I suppose I have a few, nothing that is really brag worthy in comparison to many of you out there, but still! I am going to share in hopes that you too will admit your weirdness to me!

I can do the splits! Yes, that is right. This may not seem odd to you, but have you seen how big I am? Yes, I am right there borderline overweight/obese. Yet upon a challenge from my sister a year or so ago, I rediscovered that I can indeed still to the splits. My poor little sister was aghast that her fat old sister could do them better than she and quickly improved her own. Now that’s motivation! Oh, and yes, Jeremy is a lucky, lucky man- as you will continue to see.

I can burp on demand. It’s not a truly fabulous burp like I am capable of after a soda, but I can burp whenever I desire. Now if only I could fart on demand, we could be worried about what sex I was…

I can cross one eye and look straight foward at you with the other. One eye is crossed, the other is not. It is freaky.

This isn’t a talent, but it is truly odd: I have webbed toes. My mom says to thank her brother because he also has them. Now, before you look for the nearest toilet/barf bag/garbage please be aware that not all of them are webbed- just two on each foot. And only partially. It’s not the entire thing. They aren’t all scaly, Harry Potter and The Goblet of Fire looking (you know, when he eats gillyweed in the second task?)! The skin is just not fully separated between a portion of two of them.

My husband never even noticed when we were dating until I pointed them out- and we dated during the summer. The one time I got a pedicure, the guy sooo teased me about not being able to get the little cute toe things between them. Ya. That was the only time I ever went to get a pedicure. I do it myself sans the comments from the peanut gallery, thanks.