The Texas Mama

Inspired by Loralee, (except I changed it a little) here are my favorite quotes from each month of 2007:

January-  I had never heard the term cunnilingus until a few weeks ago. Now, don’t get me wrong, I am familiar with what it means, I had just never heard that particular term for it.

February- Not that the pb&j stain on one floor pillow and the juice stain on the other isn’t considered something akin to stretch marks and sagging boobs“

March- “Ugh. I think I really do need a mind make over. Some one should come in like, with tools ‘n stuff and just have at my brain. I am thinking tiny little gay men. Not like those Umpa Lumpas though- they freak me out.“

April- “I have, at this very moment, Easter eggs dyed by my MIL in my refrigerator“
* I feel that I must add to this that just a few weeks later, my MIL handed my daughter a picture that she colored herself (my MIL, not my daughter) from a coloring book. Yes. She did. I wanted to exaggeratedly and sarcastically exclaim about “what a BIG girl she was!” and “you even stayed in the lines!” but I resisted.

May- I was that happy- no let’s be honest, I was giddy. To be completely honest, I think I was even having an experience. All those towels, hand towels, wash clothes, sheets, pillow cases, blankets, comforters, throws, quilts, afghans, and table clothes lined up, stacked up and grouped together was just, well, kind of a turn on.

June- …and I know that we are both thinking and feeling the same thing. This is family at its best. The sharing of these moments of intense love of your child and of each other. The fulfillment that only we can bring to each other as a family.
 
July- This way Harry can live with me forever and ever. That and I can stroke him gently and tell him it will be okay

August- I couldn’t decide between two- they second is actually a bit long, but gosh, I sure love my own brand of sarcasm lots! They are both from the same entry.

“As much as I love the smell of fresh dog poo in the morning”

“Maybe screaming is just “your thing”.  Is that why the Best Buy guy only stayed over twice? Tell me, what attracted you to him? The way he was able to set up your new tv or whatever reason it was that he was there in the first place? Must have been a “big job” if it took him all night! I bet it was the shorts. That’s it, isn’t it?! Oh, and your son scares my daughter when he rides up to her and growls. Please tell him to stop.  And teach him words.

Shame on you, married neighbor lady next to her- I noticed the Best Buy truck over at your house just days later! Was a discount involved? Did your neighbor give you a coupon or something?”

*** I must also add here, that the neighbor lady mentioned above? The screaming one doing the Best Buy guy? Apparently she is MARRYING The Best Buy Guy! She moved out from across the street and in with him a couple months ago.


September- “I feel like a normal person now. I have always been so self conscious about my sweaty pit stains.“

October- Apparently if you’re not into rhinestones and rainbow colored bias tape around neck and arm holes you are S.O.L. in the black leotard department of our town. * I did, by the way, find a better leotard for her at Academy, by the way.

November- This was a tough one. Although I only wrote a couple of times in November, there is one entry that is just chock full of odd lines, so here are my favorites, and the whole entry is here.

“baby got back AND front!”
“Rrreeeeke Boooob-e”
“Being LDS, I am contractually obligated to love all Osmonds”

December- “I woke up in the middle of the night preforming an exorcism.“

Somehow, I thought that I had posted Halloween pictures here with a whole Halloweenerrific post. I think I did post about Halloween and our costumes, I just did it here. That would be my “craft blog” that I have been keeping so as not to bore all of you with my sewing struggles/accomplishments/outright bragging, Lil’ Booger.

So what happened on Halloween that I had to bring it up now that we are in full Christmas mode? Well, this:



Excuse the messy hair- it was an impromptu photo shoot- Hali grabbed the camera from me and started taking pictures of me while I was sitting on the floor trying to get some pictures of some Christmas crafts we had made.  And also? My nose? Is actually quite petite and cute. I have no idea how this angle made it look so odd.

On Halloween it was black (my hair, not my nose), and has since faded to a deep brown with some black parts.  Black with brown highlights, maybe? Anywhooo, I’ve been blond my entire life and this was a welcome change. I have extremely dark (not to mention BUSHY) eyebrows, and I have always wanted to see what I looked like if my hair and eyebrow color was a little closer.

Hali insisting that I dress up as a black cat along with her was my inspiration. And it was Halloween. The further along in the hair dying process I got the more timid I became. It began resembling that odd hair in a can stuff that idiotic balding men wear instead of just buzz cutting there hair.  But, when it came time to rinse it out (which seriously took FOREVER) I dried it partially and was really liking it. 

Later that night when my husband got home, he had a big surprise.  I was a little nervous he wouldn’t like it. He DID like it.  He looked at it as getting a whole new woman.  He started calling me his girlfriend, Mercedes (for some reason I required a stripper name for my new alter ego- er, changed hair color…) and was doing a LOT of staring and groping. Needless to say, changing your hair color is a GREAT way to spice up a marriage!!!

Here’s a shot that is a bit better:



*** My host is switching servers tomorrow, so this here blog may be down for a day or two. I promise to post soon after Christmas which is in freaking THREE DAYS!!!

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!!!!!

Click here for embarrasing, (but a cute sexy little elf, if I do say so myself) funny, dancing Elf Charli.

Go Elf yourself or have a snow fight with some. Thanks, Jessica!

Six years ago today. It seems like longer some days. That didn’t come out sounding very nice, did it? It seems like long ago, yet the time seems to go by so quickly. I don’t know how to describe it. 

In 2001 we were married in the Houston temple. I have wonderful memories of that day, dispite some bad news I’d recieved the day before:
 
-Being the center of attention (not something easily done as the oldest child of 6).
-Promising to be with my Jeremy forever.
-Jeremy saying the wrong words.
-Our Explorer with cat food cans attached to the back. Jeremy cutting them off in the Olive Garden parking lot so they wouldn’t cut our new car.
-The funny looks as we walked into The Olive Garden for lunch in our wedding finery.  We were hungry and the reception wasn’t for a few hours!
-Trying to cram my dress in to every chair I sat in.
-My gloved hand giving some friends the bird out the car window as we drove down the freeway.
-EVERYONE honking as us wherever we drove.
-The great music from the jazz band.
-Our delicious cakes.
-Finally sitting down after the reception should have been over to eat a piece of cake and just SIT for the first time in hours.
-Mom telling me that we “could leave, you know” and then realizing how late it was and that we really COULD uh, go and start the honeymoon! But dang, it was a long day- I was EXHAUSTED!
-The mirrored closet right next to the bed in our hotel room…

 For Jeremy:

Thanks for asking me, marrying me, and staying married to me! Best thing we ever did for ourselves.

                                                     
* Oh, my GOSH! I think we were collectively about 75 pounds lighter then!

My poor Hali. It’s not been a great couple of days for her. Last night she woke up crying. She’d been having a nightmare. She dreamed that all of her Christmas presents were gone. Poor girl! She kept saying that she couldn’t find them. I calmed her down and told her it was just a bad dream- a nightmare. 

She still seemed upset so I picked her up and carried her out to the landing at the top of the stairs where she could peer over and see for herself that the presents were still indeed under our Christmas tree downstairs.  I nearly giggled at the relief she surely must have felt as she squinted in the bright light I flicked on overhead so she could verify for herself that her beloved gifts were still in their rightful place under our tree.

I carried her back to bed.  We snuggled for just a moment and she fell back to sleep. Hopefully to more pleasant dreams! In the morning, when I asked her, she told me that the garbage man had taken all her presents away.



Apparently it was a nightmare filled night for our little family.  Jeremy dreamed we were in the middle of a war and were fleeing our home, running through the woods. Hali was screaming for me, but I was running behind her (this sounds right- she would want Mom, but Jeremy is much taller, stronger,and faster than I so he would be carrying her. In his dream he was wishing he had gotten around to building that underground shelter for us.  I am not positive, but I believe I can interpret this dream for him…

I woke up in the middle of the night preforming an exorcism.  How many people can say that? I don’t remember exactly, but an evil spirit was trying to take over someone’s body. How strange are we? And what was wrong with those quesidillas I made for dinner? Seriously?! It must have been all the rain we had last night.

Back to Hali. Thursday was her doctor appointment for what we suspected was a herniated umbilical. We were correct. Her little belly button has always been an outtie, but lately it’s been sticking out quite a bit. Especially when she tightens up her tummy when she gets excited or upset.  It’s not so large that something needs to be done about it, so we will just keep an eye on it and hopefully it won’t get any larger. It doesn’t hurt her or bother her at all, so that’s that.



The day before THAT, Wednesday, was the library’s story time Christmas party and a GOOD day. Hali was not expected to get anywhere near Santa. She seemed quite frightened before he arrived. But he arrived to the sounds of jingle bells and all the kids were so excited.

She quickly realized that Santa wasn’t a bad sort.  He seemed very kind, actually.  Then Hali saw some of the other kids being picked right up by Santa and put on his knee.  She heard them tell Santa what they wanted fro Christmas. I think that’s when it clicked: you have to TELL Santa what you want for Christmas so you get it.  She told me she would “just stand next to him” which is what she did last year. 

When the time came, she ran right up to him, let him pick her up and put her on his lap, and with her head down in shyness, told him she wanted a Dora bicycle with training wheels for Christmas. Then she cheered right up and pointed at the librarian and I who were both demanding “cheese” from her. We both got the same shot. This picture is just so Hali.

I cannot tell you my shock at all this! I actually had to make her wait- she would have ran up there in front of the other waiting kids had I not stopped her.  I didn’t tell her what to ask for or even hint.  Coincidentally, Santa WAS planning on getting just that present for her. In fact, there is already a Dora helmet and knee/elbow pads with her name on them hiding somewhere in the house!