The Texas Mama

Guess who is asleep in their own bed even now as we speak? Actually, two people are: Jeremy and Hali.  Jeremy is reveling in the glory that is our king size bed, and Hali is cozied up in her little bed. For how long, I don’t know.  We have purchased two sets of baby moniters- well, one and the other was given to us.  They have both been left behind in moves, so tomorrow I get to buy yet another set.  I wanted to air up the uncomfortable air matress and put it by her bed, but our air pump is also missing.  So, tomorrow I get to blow up an air matress.  Please check in on me tomorrow afternoon to make sure I haven’t passed out.

I have decided that she WILL be at least sleeping in her own bed before she is three.  The potty training isn’t looking so good.  I will persist, but it kind of takes Hali’s co-operation.  Jeremy just came up, and we were discussing how she is still a baby but she isn’t.  It’s difficult to explain.  She is developing these new “big girl” traits all the time.  But she (as am I) is still clinging on to some “baby” traits as well.  She loves to sit and read books to herself, play dress up, get into and out of the car herself, go shopping, and all these fun “big girl” things, but she loves bottles, my bed, diapers, and cuddles.  Our little big girl.

WARNING: The following is VERY VERY GROSS!  If you feel nauseating in anyway by the ideas of sweat, pimples, poo, or earwax, please discontinue reading now.  Still there? Goody.

I am SUPER sweaty.  I mean badly soak through your shirt sweaty.  I constantly have that lovely sweat ring on the armpits of my shirts.  I have tried several kinds of deodorants and antiperspirants to no avail.  I think there may be a new product out I haven’t tried yet, and I probably will buck up and try it soon.  I’m not holding my breath, though.  I heard that if you get laser surgery on your underarms- as in for hair removal, that you also don’t sweat there anymore either.  That would be great, so when I become a wealthy woman of leisure, I will let you know how it went.  That still leaves under my girls… but I think if they weren’t so GIGANTUS that wouldn’t be such a problem- it wasn’t’ a big deal until I reached the double cup size.    

I have an odd fascination with pimples.  Like a moth to flame, I MUST pop them.  I can’t seem to help it.  Squeezing a pimple is oddly satisfying in a very gross, disturbing way.  The bigger, the better.  

I am addicted to q-tips.  I loooove cleaning my ears out with them after showering.  My husband insists that it is packing my ear wax down and that I will have to have it sucked out one day.  Aside from the high cost of this, as I am sure it would be costly, I am also oddly and grotesquely fascinated by that.  Is it this thin suction hose that gets it all out? Do they put some kind of liquid or chemical of any kind in first?  But this doesn’t seem to stop him either.  I just like getting all the water and wax out after a shower.  We refer to cleaning your ears out as ear sex, because, well, I think some things are self explanatory…

A couple of weeks ago my husband was making a delivery to a large baptist church in Houston.  It is one of what I like to call the “mega churches”.  It is this huge multi million dollar building, where probably over a thousand people attend church.  Their reverend is a Dr. SO and So, and they have a huge marque out front.  Jeremy tells me that inside, the foyer is full of tv’s, continually playing recorded sermons given by the illustrious Dr. So and So.

But back to the story.  While my husband was waiting for someone to sign for the package, amidst the wealthy, standing in what is supposed to be a place of God, an old crippled homeless man came up to the church.  The crowd of people who had been standing around (in the middle of the week, in the middle of the day) talking about where they wanted to go eat lunch became uncomfortable.  No one said a word to the man, but a security guard quickly approached the man and escorted him out of the building. 

Not a person there offered him even a dollar, asked him what he was in need of, offered to feed him, looked him in the eye or took him aside to talk to him. 

I was blown away by this.  When Jeremy was nearly done telling me this, I half expected him to tell me that when the security guard came back inside, he looked out and no one was there anymore.

 The song “What if God Was One of Us” is a big song for baptists, isn’t it?  What if God was that man?  I believe that we are ALL children of God.  In the House of God, for them to treat another of His children like that- it is just indescribably disappointing.  Of all the places where you are most likely to think of others, to count your blessings, give thanks for what you have, and be in the frame of mind where you would think to help another of God’s children out, I would think it would be in church.

In conjunction with Loralee of Looney Tunes, I bring to you my next edition of “The Sexy Sixth”.  Readers beware. 

I have read some fabulous posts on shaving, Nair, and waxing.  As I have mentioned before, I am a hairy beast.  I have to shave, wax, pluck, you name it, frequently.  What? How is this sexy (you may be asking yourself)?  Well, are you ready for a huge, confession?  I figured you weren’t.  But here it is:  I shave my business.  ALL my business.  My lady business. My girly bits. My noonie. My stuff. Lady V. Yep.  A couple times a week I take the leg shaving even further north. 

Some women just can’t imagine this.  They think it would just itch too much.  I feel itchier (is that a word?) when I DON’T shave.  Just like my legs- I get itchy with too much long stubble.  I tried to wax there, my legs, under arms, etc.  It hurt like the dickens.  I couldn’t do more than one strip in each afore mentioned area.  I do like to wax my eyebrow (yes, it would be singular, if it weren’t for said wax and/or tweezers) though. 

Things stay much more fresh down there when you shave.  And also?  The hubs looooves it.  It just might come in handy to any of you ladies who find their husbands don’t reciprocate certain ummm… pleasures.  Everything is much more enjoyable when Lady V is hairless.  Things are more sensitive.  Plus, it never hurts to shake things up a little bit.  I have been shaving down there since Valentines 2002.  Yep.  Lets say it was part of my Valentine’s present to my new hubby.  That and the black lace teddy, thong, and thigh highs… I got a kitty.  Apparently we were both thinking about the same word…(not this one):

                                          

Image hosting

From the makers of the wonder bra…
      
                                                         

comes the Wonderjock.  Actually, its made by a company called AussieBum.  I have stared at this picture for hours a few minutes and decided that it really is much like a push up bra.  Stuff looks great on.  It’s when you take it off that the truth will be discovered.  It’s borderline false advertising.  At least its not from the makers of padded bras or water bras.  That would be false representation, and would be as unfair of men to wear as padded or water bras are of women. 

Hey- if the relationship is going anywhere, then eventually, they will discover the truth and may not be pleased.  As much as the feminist in me would like to go off on how we don’t need to wear such things and men/women should like us for who we are- I won’t go on anymore about it.  I think the picture itself is good enough of a blog entry for today.  I think I will name him “the lawn guy” and have a new secret fantasy… well, I guess it’s not secret now, but we don’t have to tell my husband, now do we?

Because it’s Sunday- the day of rest:

From A-Z

A is for age:
—-> 23

B is for beer of choice:
—-> dont drink

C for career right now:
——–> Mommy

D is for your dog’s name?
—-> no pets

E is for essential item you use everyday:
—–> Computer

F is for favorite TV show at the moment:
——> don’t watch tv

G is for favorite game:
—–> my hubs wouldn’t want me to say…

H is for home town:
—–> montgomery

I is for instruments you’ve played/play:
——> CLARINET

J is for favorite juice:
——> ORANGE

K is for whose butt you’d like to kick:
——> my own for wasting so much time on myspace the other night where I found this

L is for last restaurant you ate at:
———–> we don’t eat in restaurants- we have a toddler

M is for marriage
———–>what about it? yes, I am married? is that what you are looking for?

N is for your full name:
————> Charli Niccole Johnson Stout

O is for overnight hospital stays:
————–> 1- when I had Hali via emerg. c-section

P is for people you were with today:
————–> Jeremy and Hali, of course

Q is for quote:
————> Your mom goes to college

R is for biggest regret:
————–> everything happens for a reason…

S is for status:
————–> married, parent, tired, joyful, a little gassy, bloated, in need of some caffiene or tylonal

T is for time you woke up today:
————> 7:30 am

U is for the underwear you’re wearing right now:
————> you don’t want to know about that! They are HUGE and white, and lets leave it at that

V is for vegetables you love:
————-> does anyone actually love vegetables? Although- seeing as potatoes do count…

W is for worst habit:
————> there is not enough room: I talk over people, cut them off when we are talking, I judge people, I eat too many sweets…. I could go on

X is for x-rays you’ve had:
————> one after a car wreak

Y is for yummy food you ate today:
————>country joe’s venison sausage, potatoes, and corn

Z is for zodiac sign:
————>Aquarius

              
                                                                     
                                                

Hali made an adorable Dora the Explorer for Halloween this year. 

Hardly any family even bothered to ask what she would be dressing up as- if you know Hali, you know that there was never any question.  Sure, the girly part of me really wanted to dress her up as a beautiful fairy or princess or something of that nature, but I had to let her be what she wanted.  Dora is her idol.  She is somewhat obsessed with her.  She has the sheets, pillows, fleece blanket, clothes, shoes (they are hideous and I only let her wear them around the house), several dolls, dvds, jewelry, puppet theater, bowl, cups, toothbrush, books, etc.  I really don’t consider licensed character products to be very tasteful or classy, but it sure makes The Boss happy, so there you have it.  

We actually fought the mosquitoes and took her trick or treating to several houses in our neighborhood.  She LOVED it!  She had to be prompted over and over to say ’trick or treat’, but she usually remembered to say thank you and happy halloween or bye or mmmm… candy!!! all by herself.  

I wanted to at least give the illusion of being a good mom who cares about her child’s health, so I made her eat a few bites of mac n cheese.  Not that mac n cheese is healthy, but I needed something very fast, and she almost always eats it.  I got her to take a few bites and drink some grape juice.  Then the doorbell rang.  It was trick or treaters.  She got so excited and worked up about wanting to go trick or treating herself, that she threw up purple and yellow mac n cheese.  Too much information? Sorry.

So we cleaned her up, put her yarn wig on her, handed her bucket, grabbed the flashlight and took off.  There was one other house on our entire cul-de-sac that was home and handing out candy. I know there were other people home, but their porch lights were off, signaling that they are party poopers and don’t enjoy celebrating the day of the dead, monsters, costumes, fun, frivolity, candy and future cavities just waiting to happen.

So we headed a few streets over where at least half of the houses were very festively decked out for Halloween.  THAT was were the fun was.  Moms left and right were pointing out “Dora” to their toddlers and preschoolers.  Hali was so happy.  Soon she picked up on it, and began pointing out other kids costumes.  One kid was a confederate soldier.  Only in the south, folks.  Even the little Hispanic (?) kids were all ” Explora Dora!”.  So amidst the mom’s cramming themselves into “sexy” costumes that they should NOT have tried the far side of the 150-200 pound range, Hali managed to get only a few bug bites.  Did I mention that she didn’t even need a sweater and that I was wearing capris?

The only mar to our little holiday was that the in-laws had nothing to do for Halloween so they decided to invite themselves over.  They behaved themselves, as did I, even when they stayed until nine, and left only then because we just let Hali scream and then gave her a bath.  A couple hours later, we had a bath…

        
                                           

Today was our weekly story time at the nearby public library.  I have posted on this a few times.  It took Hali a while to warm up, but eventually she did, and I am very pleased with both of us for it.  Last weeks Halloween Party and Trick or Treating Extravaganza was something to behold.  We both had a blast. 

After a few months of story time, I am still not at all bored with it, and Hali is far from it.  I get a real kick out of my Hali and her excitement at going to the library, and the fun that ensues while we are there.  She is her mama’s girl- she loves books.  She is definately the loudest and most vocal of the eleven o’clock group.  It’s a very small group.  Today, infact, there were only three kids.  Usually there are about five or even six. 

It is such a great program.  The children’s librarian that does the story time is just too cute.  She really loves the kids, and it shows.  I don’t understand why there aren’t more parents bringing their kids to story time. 

Are they all at work?  Do they all have better things to do (ya, right)?  Are they just not aware of story time?  I have really wondered about this.  To me, encouraging your children to read, is one of the best things you can do as a parent.  The love of books is something that was instilled in me by my mother, and I have passed it down to my daughter.  You have no idea how many obsecure little facts I have bouncing around in my head because I read.  It actually impresses my husband on occasion, and that is not easy. 

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Guess who is going to be blogging EVERY FREAKING DAY THIS MONTH?!?!?! Yep.  Yours truly.  And I pinky swear they won’t all be poorly written.  It just depends on whether you judge lots of “lols, rotflmfaos, heehees, uhhs, umms, soooos, totallys, etc. to be bad writing or not.  But I will be putting forth the effort.  Some what.  I think one post a day is all I can manage, but I will try my best. 

Oh, little blog, don’t decide to be a b%$#@! to me this week, while I am doing this!  You are such a good little bloggy!  Yes, you are!  I had this big entry nearly done about how Jeremy and I got engaged just over five years ago, and then my laptop decided, once again, to shut down the internet.  Oh, it was all my fault- I clicked twice within one second, first left click, then a right click.  That is the secret mouse to laptop code for “shut down the internet, quick- this entry is getting good- she is soooo ON this morning!”.