The Texas Mama

I don’t have a degree.  I have about 15 credits.  That’s it.  Before I had Hali I worked for a few mortgage companies.  I started working as a secretary/personal assistance (who put the ass in assistant, btw)/receptionist my senior year of high school.  Prior to that I worked in a small local Italian restaurant that was my first job.  I tried just about every job in the mortgage business, but honesty, the only one that any company ever wanted me to do was secretary/receptionist.  Some people have a hard time believing that a twenty year old knows what she is talking about. 

Wife/housewife/student/assistant just became too much for me when I started to have health problems and marriage problems.  So I quit school.  Looking back, it is a good thing, as I would have just wasted even more money on tuition for classes I would have failed.  I just could not bring myself to focus on school, because honestly, it wasn’t as important as the other things that I was going through that required my attention.  Like me.  And my husband, but mainly me.  So I did.  Sure, a few months later I had a job again, but I did not start school again. 

Now, nearly four years later, I feel like I am beginning to have some direction in life.  I have all these things that I want to do!  I want to go back to school and finish a degree.  I want to start working again.  I want to have FUN! So I started to make all these plans in my head.  Then, I realized that I can’t do all these things at the same time, and that there has to be some kind of an order to them, so that they are possible.  One thing at a time. 

And here I am.  Same Charli.  Here.  Blogging.  Being a Mom.  Hali’s won’t be three for three more months.  I have to wait.  Hali deserved my time now.  She’ll be starting school soon enough.  Until then, I will be at home for her.  I will be at home for my husband.  I will be at home for me.  Because, honestly, if I wasn’t here, at home, doing my best at being a mom, I don’t think I would be happy with myself.  I have to grow a kid up.  Then I can worry about what to do when I grow up.

              *Edit at bottom                                       

• Hali and I got sick the middle of last week- some nasty cold thingy that left us cranky, full of sinus pressure, and unable to breath through our noses.  We are almost better.

• We got sick from some little girl in nursery at our church whose mom apparently thought she was well enough to go to nursery, nevermind that she was contagious and kept stealing a toy from my daughter and then wiping her snot all over said toy.  I mean this little girl had snot running like a river from her nose and dark circles under her eyes.  It was obvious she was not well.  But the mom just dropped her off so that she could go gossip with her friends, no doubt (see- like how mean and defensive I can get?).

• We are moving THIS WEEKEND!!! Yay!  I have sooo much to do that you probably won’t be hearing from me for another week or so.  I can NOT wait!*

• I am meeting the realtor to go over the rest of the paperwork, give her a couple checks (poor hubby- he hates to have to let go of money) and go over what still needs to be done to the house.  We are meeting her at the house on Thursday, and I haven’t seen it in a while so I am very excited.

• I have yet another car, a Chevy Malibu.  I gave up my last car so that Jeremy could have some money to use to buy and sell a couple cars to make some money off of.  Unfortunately, the auction we bought it off of lied.  A lot.  It is NOT in the kind of condition they led us to believe it was.  Someone got battery acid all over the interior and it ate it away.  The AC did NOT work, and it needed a fuel pump.  AC is now fixed, but we still need to put a pump in- probably tonight or tomorrow.

• The other reason he needed the money is his shop should also be finished in a few days!  He is still planning on working part time for his dad, but he just wants to own his own business again, so now he has one!  So if you live in south east Texas and need some work done on your car, just comment here!

• I was THIS close to having Hali completely off the bottle.  Then, last night, she was feeling better and wanted one.  She DEMANDED one repeatedly.  So I caved.  We’ll see how tonight goes.  No luck on the potty training front- she just really does not want to.  Hey, at least she doesn’t suck her fingers anymore!*

• It’s actually kind of nice here in the mornings and late evening.  It’s not “sweat-your-butt-off” hot all day now, just from about 1 or 2 until about 7.  It actually is beginning to feel like fall just a little bit.  I may even put my fall decor out next week after we move.
  

***** EDIT: The move has been put off a week- the house isn’t quite ready enough.
 Hali went to sleep without a bottle last night, albiet about an hour after I would have ideally wanted her to.

I just found this site.  It is sooooo much fun! Seriously. Lots. Of. Freaking. Fun.  I have to pass it on.  I realize that it is meant to be helpful and useful and not to be made a mockery of, but it’s just too much to resist.  Also, if you email me your most hilarious creation, I will send you mine.  I did several of my husband.  It’s not made for men, and he definitely DOES NOT make a pretty woman.  It’s quite hideous really.  He’s such an attractive man, though. 

He took this picture for it with his eyes slightly crossed, and so I added gobs of blush and liner and eye shadow using the tools.  Then, the hair.  Oh, my.  THAT is where it really gets fun.  By the time he was done trying on blond hair do’s (gee, he sure likes blond- wonder why that is…) he looked like a dumb transvestite hooker. 

It’s just too great.  I can’t even describe it.  Oh, and I don’t look as bad with dark hair as I thought!  And blue eyes look pretty good too- of course they do on most people.  Try it and e-mail it to me- theidahostouts@yahoo.com, I will send you mine!  Or post it in the comments, either way.

ME:   Hali, let’s pull off that diaper and put on BIG GIRL PANTIES!!!

HALI:   BIG GURL PANEEES!

ME:   Yes- Big Girl DORA Panties!!! YAY! You can be A Big Girl!

HALI:   Which one?

ME: Let’s put these on! (holds out pair of purple Dora panties)

HALI:   Watch movie?!

ME:   Yes, baby, go back and watch your movie now

….. a couple minutes later in the living room

ME: Hali, LOOK!  Here’s your POTTY CHAIR!  Can you SIT on your POTTY CHAIR and try and go PEE-PEE or POO-       POO?!?!?!

HALI: (silence as she sits)

ME: YAY!!! Go pee-pee or poo-poo so we can eat candy and pizza and have a party and call Dad and Grandma and tell them what a BIG GIRL you are by going on your potty chair!!!! Yay!  It’ll be sooo much FUN!

HALI:  candy?

ME:  Yes! You can have candy if you go pee-pee or poo-poo on your potty chair!

HALI:   Sits back down on potty chair

……………two minutes later

ME:   Hali, sit back down and try to go pee-pee or poo-poo please!

……………two minutes later

ME:   Hali, here, let me get you some more YUMMY juice! (mutters to self “so your bladder gets so freaking full you HAVE to pee…”)

…………..one minute later

ME:   Here you go baby- drink up!

HALI:   thank you, mama

ME:   Sit down on your potty chair please, Hali

…………five minutes later

ME:   Sit down on your potty chair, please

……….five minutes later

ME:   Hali, please sit down on your potty chair!

………three minutes later

ME:   Hali, come sit on your potty chair- I don’t want you to go pee-pee on the couch

………three minutes later

ME: Hali, you really have to sit on your potty chair!  Should I turn the movie off?  Hali, COME SIT ON YOUR POTTY CHAIR!!!  *SIGH* (thinks to self: what now?)

Remember this post?  Well guess who has done a COMPLETE one-eighty?!  That is correct: Hali has.  She now loves story time.  She is THE LOUDEST, most enthusiastic one there.  She repeats what the librarian says, shows off what she knows when asked a question, and is just plain, well, fun!  I think I may have my very own Hermione Granger on my hands!  I couldn’t be happier. 

She still gets freaked out when other kids start yelling and getting all up in her face (WTF?!) but so would I!  Why these toddlers seem to think it’s a good idea to start making weird grunts/screams, spewing them right in her face, and standing so close to Hali that they are actually standing ON her, I don’t know!  I mean, Hali has been known to get right in her mom or dad’s face and talk excitedly, but that’s usually to get our attention.  Huh. I just smile and laugh to myself and tell her “it’s okay, they just want to play and talk to you!”  Toddlers are weird.

Could you imagine it if toddlers were adults?  We would be a world of mental institutions.  Think about it.  They poop their pants.  They scream and have tantrums and fits for the littlest things- some times no reason at all (that you can think of, any ways).  They talk and babble to themselves.  They are severely lacking in the hygiene department.  You’ve seen a toddler eat, right?  They don’t want their hair brushed.  They don’t want their butt wiped.  They sleep for 12+ hours a day (thank goodness).  They will only eat things that are orange one day, and then things that are round the next.  Severe OCD, people!

Go hug your babies and your loved ones.  Call those relatives and friends that you have been meaning to get around to calling.  Say a prayer of thanks, and count your blessings.  Today is a day of thought, pondering, and reminiscing.  

Thank you Dear Heavenly Father, for keeping us safe.  Thank you for the blessings that Thou hast poured upon me and my family.  For all the tender mercies that Thou hasn’t shown me through the years.  For the struggles that Thou hast given me to show me what kind of a person I am.  Thank you for my family.  Thank you for my wonderful parents, who are an example to their children and those around them.  Thank you for the loves of my life- Jeremy and Hali.  Thank you for sending them to me.  Thank you for all the worldly goods that Thou hast given us that makes our lives better.  Thank you for putting me and my family in this country, where we are free- free from starvation, free to educate ourselves, to worship as we please, free to enjoy or human rights.  Thank you, thank you, thank you, for everything that Thou hast given me.  Please bless my family.  Please bless us with the strength and fortitude that we need at this time in our lives.  Bless us that we may enjoy good health, full bellies, a roof over our heads, and the love of those close to us.  This I say, humbly, in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.
                                                   <IMG src=”/images/21876-20889/ShowLetter[1].gif”>

I have blogged about my fabulous neighbors a few times in the past.  Hard to believe that they have only been my neighbors for just under six months isn’t it? Not if you’re me, it’s not.  The situation is drawing to an end soon, because our lease is up on the 30th of this month! YAY!  You have NO idea how happy I am to be getting the heck out of here!  Not only that, but the house that we are moving in to is SOOOO GREAT!!!  And just in time for it to begin to cool off somewhat- not that it’s cool now (unless 95 degrees is cool to you) but we here in Texas usually get a few days where it doesn’t get into the bajillions by October.  Which is three freakin’ weeks away, people!  Time to start planning Halloween costumes.  Time to dig out those fall decorations.  Fall is my favorite season.  Most people don’t pick fall as their favorite, but it is mine.  It’s pretty.  There is a certain feeling about it that I can’t describe, yet I love.

I am getting off topic here.  What I wanted to say was that our neighbors suck a big one.  Last week, we actually had one of the people that live downstairs (there are way too many people in their two bedroom apartment, but they are one of those Louisiana transplants that don’t seem to have a job amongst them) come and knock on our door at 9:15 at night (yes, I checked my clock) to ask if we were, and I quote “playing baseball” and asked us to keep it down.  Yes, well, you know- Hali and all of her 35 pounds was walking across her bedroom.  Now, I realize that she runs, jumps, and walks heavily- she is a toddler and she wears shoes all the time (she has a shoe fetish- it’s hereditary).  But she is a TODDLER!  She sleeps for freaking 12 hours!  She has, like, a bed time and stuff.  She is rarely up later than 10, and she is rarely up before 8.  Hello?! 

And I am sorry, but we can hear those loud women yelling at each other when we are in our bathroom (the fart fans carry their voices, I think) late at night.  Do they honestly think the kids sleep through that, but not Hali running across our apartment?  Not to mention that they HAVE actually kept us awake at night with their parking lot get togethers!  Whenever they see us they will actually turn and walk the other way, look away, or go back inside instead of exchanging polite “hellos” with us.  So now, I just blurt out a loud “HI!” to who ever happens to be down there- just to spite them.  It makes me smile. 

I have yet to mention our new neighbors, who we have come to hate as well.  There are a couple of guys, probably in their twenties (uh, hello, so am I) that live in the apartment next to us.  Their master bedroom probably butts up to our master bedroom.  Well, a couple weeks ago, they started to play some kind of music or something super loud.  It had to have been from something right up against the wall, and full volume, because you could put your hand on the wall and feel the vibrations.  They did this all night long.  For a week.  So finally, my husband went over and knocked.  They wouldn’t answer.  We are guessing they were stoned- seriously. 

So the next night I went over.  I asked the lady below them, just to make sure it wasn’t her.  It wasn’t.  It HAD to be them.  So I knocked on their door.  This guy comes to the door, and I ask as politely as I could, “if it was possible that their stereo or t.v. was up kind of loud?”  He looks at me funny and says “no- I’m the only one awake here- everyone else is asleep.” Huh.  Stumped, I walk back to our apartment and listen.  Sure enough, the noise is still there.  So hubs gets- actually gets out- a glass.  Pressing it to the walls, he determines that it HAS to be coming from their apartment.  So he goes back over there, knocks, and THEY DON’T ANSWER!  Unless you count them standing by the door and telling him to get away from there.  So guess who got to call management the next day?! Yup.  They noise is always off my 8 or 9 now.  Turns out we weren’t the only people to call and complain that day. 

More about the new house later.

Yay! It’s here- the very first Sexy Sixth!  Let’s just jump right in to what I wanted to write about today:

I am a big fan of what I like to call “book porn”.  There is a certain episode of Friends where Joey discovers a romance novel and dubs it book porn, and that is where I got it from.  I have actual Harlequin books mixed in with baby, parenting, mysteries, religious, and classic books.  I am not ashamed.  Much. 

I do, however, have a small problem with them.  No, it’s not the hilarity that ensues when the writer tries to play “50 euphemisms for a man’s sex organ”(although some of them are great) it’s how unrealistic many of the scenes are.  Now I realize that they are “fantasy” genre for the most part, but there are still a few things that I find myself wondering about.

Very few of the couples use protection or some type of birth control, apparently.  Has the writer decided to just leave out the part where the Knight in Shining Armor grabs a condom, or is that on purpose?  Kind of a mood killer, really, I suppose:

     * “ As their passions began to overwhelm them, lust flooding over them in a wave of need, Brock lovingly looked into Jennifer’s eyes and promptly jumped off the bed, ran into the bathroom for a condom, couldn’t find them and yelled ‘hey honey, where are the condoms- I can’t find them?!’ “
   
Now that is hot.  But more realistic than what you usually read, I might add.  Hmmm, I think I really have a talent for erotica here…

Another thing that bothers me is, well, the afterwords part.  After they are “spent” from all their “lovemaking” the couple more often that not, apparently drift off to sleep with smiles of contentment on their lips and their limbs intertwined.  I don’t know about everyone else, but  “doing the dirty” is, well, dirty.  Things are in need of cleaning afterwords.  I mean, ewww!  Things have to be taken care of, you know?!  Again, I understand that is not a turn on nor sexy in any way, but it’s real life.  

   * ” Breath still ragged, he collapsed upon her, spent.  Minutes later, after his heart no longer felt as if he had run a marathon, he mustered up a shred of energy, lifted his head and kissed her, a satisfied smirk on his face.  Then he stood up and walked into the bathroom to shower, as he was quite sweaty.  Then he drank some water, ate a bowl of cereal, brushed his teeth and caught the last fifteen minutes of Letterman.”

See what I mean?  That’s a little more like it! That’s real!  There are parts of sex that aren’t sexy.  That’s all there is to it.  You don’t read about how Betty never had time to achieve an orgasm because Dan just couldn’t seem to last long enough.  You don’t read about Junior waking up and interrupting things, and then he wouldn’t go back to sleep so things were left unfinished.  You don’t read about George trying to do something that Penny just was NOT down with.  Rachel doesn’t have to reassure Dillon that “it’s not the size of the ship, it’s the motion of the ocean”.  Maybe that’s why I like to read romance novels- none of these things happen in Fairy Tale Land. 

Keep your eyes out for a new romance novel by yours truly (I think I should come up with a pen name, though- some thing funny and/or dirty like Hellota Fajina or Ima D. Erty-Hooker).  Let me know, and I’ll put your name somewhere in it!

Hali, our little budding photographer loves to get her grubby little hands on Mom’s camera.  I secretly think she likes blinding herself with the flash.  Apparently she likes her lips or chin because she has taken many pictures of them.  She has taken many pivotal self portraits, mainly.  Also, her crotch must be a favorite as well.  As I stated here, no I am not worried what this means for her future.  So please, enjoy the photographic stylings of Miss Hali Dean Stout: